Drunk
by LadyAshh
Summary: "Maybe I'll get drunk again, to feel a little love."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Two of my favourite things, Ed Sheeran and Caskett. This song just popped in my head, so I wrote a fic, clearly I'm not going to stop until I write a fic for every song on his album... I hope you like it .**

* * *

_I wanna hold your heart in both hands_

_Not watch it fizzle at the bottom of a Coke can_

* * *

This was stupid. That was all he could say about what happened. Stupid. He was stupid. Angry, jealous, but mostly stupid. He just wished this night never happened, because he wasn't sure if he could fix this.

Tonight was the launch party of his new book and naturally, Paula had hooked him up with arm candy, Crystal. She was beautiful. He would admit and not as ditzy and money hungry as the usual ones were, but she was still all over him and that was something he could do without. He kept watch for the entrance, wondering when Kate would show up, _if _she would show up, the book was based on her after all.

A few glasses of champagne later, Castle sat in a booth with a handful of other authors and his arm candy clutching tightly to him. If didn't bother him as much, the champagne had loosened him up and he was having a good time discussing future plotlines with his fellow authors. He was just in the middle of telling a story of Nikki and Jameson's latest tryst when he spotted her walking through the doors. He stopped speaking mid-sentence and turned towards the door, mouth hanging open as he watched her search the room.

She was beautiful, dressed in a light blue dress that stopped mid-thigh, hugging all of her curves perfectly, it left little to the imagination. His eyes trailed down her legs, those long, toned legs that he dreamed many times about, coming to stop at her incredibly high heels. He could feel Crystal tugging on his arm to get his attention, but nothing could get him to tear his eyes from Kate, from admiring the way her long, brown hair fell in waves around her face. That beautiful face that he would never get tired of seeing.

Instantly, his heart fell when he saw a man he didn't know appear in his vision, wrapping his arm around Kate. They weren't together so why did he feel so betrayed? He watched her smile up at the man and lean into to him and he led her to the bar. Suddenly anger flared in him and before he knew it he was pushing his way out of the booth, ignoring the call from Crystal, she was not the woman he wanted on his arm right now. He made his way over to the bar, doing his best to calm himself, knowing his anger was misplaced.

"Detective Beckett, how nice of you show up." He greeted her, sounding a bit harsher than he intended.

He noticed her flinch at his cold tone before quickly smiling.

"Well Castle, I couldn't miss the party." She replied.

Castle nodded, his eyes flickering over to her date who sat by her side looking between the two of them.

"And this is?" He turned to him, plastering a smile on his face.

Kate eyed him suspiciously, sensing something was up.

"This is Ryan, he's a paramedic." She said, "Ryan this is Richard Castle."

Ryan extended his hand and placed a huge smile on his face, "Mr. Castle, it's very good to meet you, I've been reading your books since I was in college."

Castle shook his hand, grasping it a little tighter than necessary, "Well don't make me sound so old."

Ryan laughed and looked back to Kate, "You're right, he is funny."

Kate's face instantly turned red and she ducked her head, her hair forming a curtain around her face.

"I'm funny huh?" He turned to look at Kate, a smirk on his face, "You talking about me Beckett?"

She held her head up and rolled her eyes, "I only tell him how annoying you are, he finds it funny."

He nodded and pressed his lips into a thin line, the champagne was wearing off and he was feeling the anger flare up in him again.

"Well, enjoy the party you two." He smiled as he walked around the other side of the bar, keeping close watch.

"Tequila, keep it coming." He told the bartender, who instantly placed a shot glass in front of him and filled it. Castle swallowed it down as the bartender refilled it.

Eventually, Ryan stood and led Kate to the dance floor and began dancing, it wasn't a slow song, so they weren't pressed up against each other thank God for that, Castle didn't know if he could control himself if that happened.

"Richard, where've you been?" He heard a chirpy voice say.

He turned his head to see Crystal watching him, her hand running up and down his arm. He looked back towards the dance floor and back to Crystal and decided, screw it.

Maybe it was his jealousy, maybe it was the tequila or maybe it was both that led him to do what he did.

"Let's dance." He offered a hand to her and she lit up immediately as she slid her hand into his and he led her out to the dance floor.

The song was ending and a slow song began to play, he felt Crystal lean into him, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his chest. He spotted Kate and Ryan making their way back to the bar, laughing and having fun.

He didn't know why he was this angry, he had seen Kate with other men before. Maybe it was because he had told her he loved her and she remembered, he thought something would happen, that they would try for what he so desperately wanted, but clearly he was wrong.

After another song started, Crystal leaned closer to his ears and whispered.

"Let's get out of here?" She whispered.

With all the alcohol in his system, mixed with the high level of anger and jealousy he figured, why not? There wasn't anyone he had to be faithful to anyways. So he followed her as she led him through a side door. She pressed him against the wall and kissed him. Instinctively he fought back, but then relaxed as the alcohol took over, but he didn't kiss her back, he couldn't. He heard a door open and someone gasp. He turned his head in the direction of the interruption, breaking the kiss and his heart froze at what he saw.

Kate stood in the doorway, mouth hanging open and eyes wide, looking between Castle and Crystal.

"Can't you see we're busy here?" Crystal spat, eyeing Kate up and down, still pressed up against Castle.

Kate glared at Castle, he could see the hurt flash over her face, "I'm sorry, I'll leave you two."

"Kate wait!" He called after as she hurried through the doors.

"Let her go Rick, she's not worth it." Crystal purred, running her hands over his chest.

He pushed her off of him and pulled the doors open, scanning the crowd for her, but he saw no sign of her. He did see Ryan however, laughing with a blonde girl over by the bar and he went over to him.

"Where's Kate?" He demanded.

Ryan turned to him looking confused, "She went to find you, to tell you how she feels, finally."

"I'm sorry, what?" Castle sputtered.

"Yea, you're all she talks about whenever we go out. I told her to tell you before she lost her chance, did she?" He asked, taking a sip from his glass.

"Aren't you her boyfriend?" Castle asked, feeling confused.

"Boyfriend? God no! I'm her cousin. She asked me to come with her." He clarified.

"Oh God." Castle groaned, slumping down in the stool.

"What's the matter?" Ryan asked.

"I need to find her." Castle said, dashing off into the crowd, his eyes searching. He found Ryan and Esposito talking up some girls off to the side and ran over to them.

"Guys! Have you seen Beckett?" He asked.

Esposito turned to him, "Uh yea, she just ran passed here not too long ago, said she had to head out. Why?"

"I messed up big time." Castle groaned, running his hand over his face.

"What'd you do?" Ryan asked, eying Castle suspiciously.

"I just gotta find her." He said running off again.

He burst through the doors and looked up and down the street wondering where she would have gone. He hopped in a cab and told him the address to her apartment. When he arrived he hopped out and ran up the stairs, not bothering to wait on the elevator. He knocked on her door and waited, after getting no response he decided she wasn't here.

He searched everywhere for her, but he couldn't find her. He can't believe what happened, how could he have been so stupid. All he could see was the flash of hurt across her face, how could he ever get her to trust him again? It was probably never going to happen and he'd never get her now and it was his own stupid fault.

He didn't want to go home just yet and he was sure the book party was over and even if it wasn't, he didn't want to go back. So he made his way to The Old Haunt, not wanting to be in his right mind for a while. He pushed open the heavy doors and froze at what he saw.

She was there, seated at the bar. Her hair was a mess and she was slumped over the counter. He watched as she threw back a glass of alcohol, indicating for the bartender to refill her glass.

He remained where he was, wondering if he should make himself known. Explain to her what had happened, but what could he possibly tell her? There was no explanation, he was just stupid. But why did she come here, if she didn't want him to find her, she wouldn't have come to his bar, so maybe she did want him to find her.

At least he hoped so.

He took a deep breath and made his way over to her. She didn't look up as he approached, just stared blankly into her glass.

"Kate, I need to explain what happened tonight."

He had to talk to her, let her know he still wanted her, not some piece of arm candy Paula fixed him up with. He was hurt and angry and mostly jealous, but that was no excuse. He had to let her know. He just hoped she would listen.

* * *

_And never an excuse I made up_

_Tell you the truth I hate_

_What didn't kill me_

_It never made me stronger at all._

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**End A/N: I intended for this to be a one chapter thing… But… Yea, now it's multi-chapter because… Well, just cause. So leave me a review? Tell me if I should bother with the next chapter? Thanks. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Well guys thanks for all the alerts from chapter one, here's chapter two which is of course the last chapter. I hope you like it, okay, read on! **

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_On cold days cold plays out like the band's name_

_I know I can't heal things with a hand shake_

_You know I can't change as I began saying_

_You cut me wide open like landscape_

* * *

She lowered her head to her hands, still not responding to his presence. He figured she was just mad, so he took the opportunity to start talking.

"Look Kate, I'm sorry about all that, I know you're probably mad, but I can explain." He paused, waiting for her to respond or even just look at him, but she didn't, so he continued.

"What you saw, with Crystal, it was – it was nothing Kate. I don't know what I was thinking. I just – I saw you with Ryan and you looked happy and I got jealous, I'm not proud of it but it's true. Then Crystal suggested we leave and I figured what the hell, you were already with someone so it shouldn't matter, which I've come to realize was a stupid decision, but I blame that on the alcohol. But then you saw and I didn't even want to kiss her Kate, she was just some girl Paula hooked me up with for the night, I never meant you hurt you. Then I find out Ryan is your cousin and I feel like such a fool." He finished.

A moment passed until she slowly raised her head and sighed deeply.

"I'm not mad at you Castle." She said tiredly.

"You're not - You're not mad?" He asked, confused with her reaction now.

"Well I am mad, but not at you." She said quietly, tracing a finger over the rim of her glass.

"Why?" He sat beside her, waiting to hear what she had to say.

She shrugged her shoulders, "Because Castle, it's just so stupid."

Now he was confused, "What's stupid?"

She shook her head and exhaled, "This."

Castle cocked his head to the side, completely at a loss as to what she was trying to say.

"I'm sorry, I'm not following."

She smiled, "Me. I'm so terrified of letting myself be happy. I don't know how to deal with these feelings, I just – "

She took a deep breath, "I didn't want to come to your launch party alone and have to watch you all night with some arm candy, so I asked Ryan to come with me so I wouldn't be alone, since Lanie couldn't make it."

"So why didn't you tell me he was your cousin Kate?" He asked softly.

"Because" She paused.

"Because what?" He prompted.

"Because I was jealous."

He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it when he realized he didn't know what to say, Kate Beckett was jealous of him being with someone else? Normally, it was the other way around, but now the tables have turned and she was the jealous one.

"Why didn't you say something?" He asked.

She laughed, "What exactly was I to say Castle? Oh hey, I've been having these feelings for you for a while, but I'm not sure how to deal with them or if I want to deal with them and it makes me irrationally jealous to see you with other women? No I don't think so."

He simply stared at her, she just admitted she had feelings for him and for a while and he didn't know what to say. He wondered how many glasses she had to drink, clearly it would have to be a good enough amount for her to just openly admit this. She didn't seem drunk, but then again, she always took her alcohol well.

"You could have said exactly that."

"And then what Castle? It's not like we could be together anyways." She said dryly.

"Why not?"

"Because, you're you and I'm … me." She shrugged, taking a long swig of her alcohol, "You're this big shot, world famous author who can get any girl he wants, anytime and I'm just, me."

He stared at her dumbfounded, how could she doubt herself so much. Did she not know just how deeply in love with her he was? He wanted no one else, she had ruined everyone else for him, and no one would ever measure up to Kate.

"Kate." He spoke, reaching out and turning her to face him, "Listen to me. You are the most beautiful, hardworking, selfless, extraordinary woman I have ever met. No one else measures up to you Kate. You are everything to me. From the day I met you I knew, I knew there would be something about you and I was right. I've changed Kate, for you, I've stuck by your side just waiting for you to see that you're all I want, you're all I will ever want."

He saw the tears form in her eyes and she ducked her head before the spilled over and rolled down her cheeks.

"You're just saying that Castle." She sniffed.

"No. No, I'd never say anything like that unless I mean it and Kate, I meant every word. You are the greatest thing to ever happen to me, well apart from Alexis, but you Kate, you are the one I want to be with. Just you." He whispered, wiping away a tear with his thumb.

She smiled a watery smile and sighed, "Really?"

He smiled back at her and nodded, "Really. Kate I am absolutely in love with you and I don't know just how I manage to even think straight around you. Tonight was stupid, I was jealous and angry and I'm sorry."

She closed her eyes and shook her head, "No, it's my fault. How were you supposed to know?"

"I should have."

"No Castle, I was hurt and jealous yes, but it wasn't your fault. I can't just expect you to know how I'm feeling and get mad at you if you want to be with another woman. I understand if you don't want me again, now you know how incapable I am of dealing with my feelings."

He stared at her in disbelief, "Didn't you hear anything I just said a while ago? There isn't anyone else for me Kate, you are it. I don't want anyone else but you, not now, not ever."

She closed her eyes and leaned into his hand, enjoying the warm feel of his hand, calming the buzzing in her blood from the alcohol. Her head was spinning and she didn't even know if she was ready for what she was about to do, but if she didn't do it now, she didn't think she ever would.

She reached up to cup his cheek and leaned closer to him, opening her eyes to watch him. He was watching her intently, his lips slightly parted. She stopped just inches away and she could feel his breath against her face.

"I don't know how to do this and I don't want to ruin what we have, but I'm willing to give it a try." She breathed.

"Good," He responded, "Because I really want to kiss you right now."

Her eyes flickered to his lips and up to his eyes and she smiled, "Well what are you waiting for?"

He was momentarily surprised, but wasted no time in grabbing her face and crushing her lips to hers. He kissed her deeply and desperately, pouring out all the pent up feelings he had and she loved it. She loved the way his tongue traced over her lips, plunging deep into her mouth when she opened it. She loved the way her insides were bubbling with feelings she had never felt before. She loved the way her skin felt as if it were on fire as his hands trailed up her arms, leaving goose bumps rising in its wake.

She loved the way he let a moan fall from his lips and she bit down on his lip and tangled her fingers in his hair, lightly scratching over his scalp with her nails. He buried his hand in her hair and tugged her head to the side, changing the angle of their kiss, while wrapping an arm around her waist, pulling her off of her stool to stand in between his legs.

She hadn't had that much to drink that it made her unaware of her actions, but she was still a bit passed tipsy and was unsteady on her feet. She swayed into Castle, who placed his hands on her hips to keep her still. He broke the kiss and rested his head against her forehead. She trailed over his swollen lips with her fingers, excited for this new step they were taking, but terrified at the same time.

She wondered if things were moving too fast, but then again, after the years they had gone through, her denying her feelings for him and dating other men, she didn't think it was fast enough and she wanted more. She wanted him more than she had ever wanted anyone before and here he was, offering himself to her after waiting so long, after watching her be with other men, he stuck by her and waited, something she couldn't say any of her past boyfriends would have done.

"Let's get out of here." He rasped into her ear, sending shivers down her spine.

She didn't respond, she simply slipped her hand into his as he stood and led her from the bar. His hand wound around her waist instantly as she almost fell over her feet.

"You drunk Kate?" He asked, slightly amused.

"A little." She admitted.

He stopped and turned to her, his face a mask of uncertainty, "Are you sure about this?"

"I'm not that drunk, I know what I'm doing, it's just that my feet don't seem to know what they're doing." She looked down, cursing her feet for their clumsiness.

His hand tightened around her waist as he contemplated what she was saying. He seemed to have believed her because he simply nodded his head and continued walking. He pushed open the doors, breathing in deeply as the fresh air swirled around them, it was a welcoming scent compared to the harsh fumes of alcohol he had just been inhaling.

He hailed a cab and ushered her inside, following behind her. He gave the driver his address as she huddled close to his side, not wanting there to be any distance between them anymore. They finally reached Castle's loft and he paid him, leaving a generous tip.

They hurried through the lobby, the short moment they had in the bar, fuelling their need for more. They needed to be close to each other, to become one with the other. To show each other how they truly felt, since words just didn't do it for them.

They stepped into the elevator, which had a few other occupants. They kept close together, needing the contact. She watched as the elevator showed which floor they were on, cursing it for taking so long to reach his floor. His grip on her tightened when it did reach their floor and he practically pulled her off of the elevator and dashed down the hall to his door.

Martha and Alexis weren't home he knew, they had gone off on a spa retreat and wouldn't be back until three days later, which left the loft empty thank God. He pushed open the door and pulled her through it, immediately kicking it shut and pressing her roughly against it, connecting his lips to hers.

A groan fell from her mouth as he kissed her, harder than he had in the bar. His hands were around her back pressing her closer to him. She dragged her nails down his back, reaching the top of his pants and roughly pulling his shirt out of his pants. She felt his hand snake down her stomach to her thigh and her leg, he grabbed her leg and wrapped it around his waist. Following his actions, she wrapped her other leg around his waist, causing her already short dress to hike up further.

She moaned as he moved to her neck, sucking roughly, hard enough to leave a mark, but she didn't care, she just wanted him to touch her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, grounding herself against him, causing him to growl and pressed her into the door, so she could feel his own arousal.

The alcohol mixed with the heightened emotion of this moment was causing her head to spin and her blood to surge right to her heated centre. She kissed along his jaw, enjoying the feel of his rough stubble against her lips and kissed a trailed down his neck, settling right above his collarbone.

He was hers now and she was going to make sure everyone out there knew it. She bite down on the skin until he groaned with pleasure, her name falling from his lips in a growl. She stuck her tongue out to sooth the burn and moved up to his lips again.

His fingers were digging into her skin and the feeling was absolutely heavenly, she needed more.

"Castle." She breathed, "I think we need to take this somewhere else."

She leaned back to look at her. Her hair was a mess, so was his and her eyes were dark and hooded, her lips red and swollen from kissing him and he couldn't get enough of it.

"I think so too." He breathed against her as he walked them to his bedroom.

* * *

When she woke up, she was sore, absolutely sore. A smile spread across her face as she remembered why, she rolled over expecting to see her partner there, the smile instantly dropping off of her face when she was met with an empty bed.

She sat up in bed and glanced around the room. It was his room, she was naked and their clothed were strewn all over the place, so she definitely wasn't dreaming. She registered the pounding in her head and groaned as she fell back into the pillows, shielding her eyes from the light.

Where was he? Surely he didn't regret what they had done? He would have said something during the four rounds they had during the night. Did he feel different, that now that he got her, she wasn't what he wanted and he couldn't face her the morning after? But no, Castle wouldn't do that, he must have gone to the bathroom or something.

She settled back in bed, closing her eyes enjoying the feel of his silk sheets on her skin and breathing in the scent of him.

"You're up." Her eyes flew open when she heard his voice.

A smile crept across her face when she saw him standing there, memories of their glorious night replaying in her head. He was dressed now, in a fitted black t-shirt and shorts. She let her eyes roam his body, something she could do now and she planned on taking advantage of that now that she knew what he was hiding under those clothes.

"Made you a coffee." He smile, raising the steaming mug she just realized he held in his hand,  
"You're bound to have a headache." He said, sitting beside her handing her the mug.

She took a sip of the hot liquid, closing her eyes and it went down her throat.

"Thank you." She smiled.

The room fell silent as they sipped their coffee.

"Do you regret it?" He asked suddenly.

She lowered her mug and looked into his eyes. She could see the uncertainty and doubt in his eyes and reached out to cup his cheek.

"Not in the least." She assured him.

"Really? Cause you were a bit drunk."

She smiled, "If anything, being drunk heightens my sex drive, not lowers my inhibitions, I'm pretty resistant to alcohol in that way."

"Well in that case," He leaned in to kiss her softly, a different feeling to their rough, desperate kisses before, "I love drunk Beckett, you should get drunk more often."

"Why? Sober Beckett not enough for you?" She teased, placing his and her mug down on the nightstand table before wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Oh no, I definitely love sober Beckett, but the things drunk Beckett did to me last night … " He trailed off, his eyes wide.

She blushed and ducked her head, remembering exactly what she had done to him last night and early this morning.

"Well I assure you, sober Beckett has some tricks up her sleeves too." She purred, rubbing her nose over his.

"I can't wait to discover them." He grinned.

She released him from her hold, "Come back to bed."

He smiled and rounded the bed, stripping his clothes as she stared openly.

"Something you like?" He teased, waggling his eyebrows and he crawled into the bed.

"Maybe." She rolled over to him, draping her arm over his stomach and resting her chin on his chest, staring into his eyes.

"I love you." She whispered, watching as his face froze.

"You – you what?" He stammered.

"I love you Richard Castle and I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out." She kissed his chest.

"I love you too Kate and it was worth it, if everything that happened led us to where we are now, it was all worth it."

She smiled, "I'm glad you think so."

She rested her head against his chest, content to feel the rise and fall of his chest and listen to the beating of his heart, until he broke the silence.

"You should really get drunk more often."

* * *

_Maybe I'll be drunk again_

_To feel a little love._

* * *

**End A/N: Fin. Thanks for reading, following, favouriting and reviewing! I hope you don't want to kill me for not including the smut part, but if you do, you can leave a review and tell me that ;) Or you can just leave a review to tell me what you think overall? Thanks! (I wonder what Ed song I'm going to do next…. Hmmmmmm….)**


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